I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
