sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont even know how to be here
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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