Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
