I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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