I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
