Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
