I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize