Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
