haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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