Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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