When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
