omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
