Cold hands, warm shart.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
