my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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