You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
