what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
