this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
