You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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