He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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