I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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