You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
