what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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