omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
