best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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