I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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