I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
