Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
