I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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