Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So here I am, sexting at work.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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