Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
