Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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