yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize