We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
