If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
