dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
