I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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