She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
