someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
