so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
