im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
