I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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