I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
