Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
