Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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