So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
