he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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