She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize