I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they need to just BURY HIM!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
