tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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