we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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