You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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