I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
