Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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