If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
