do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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