This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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