I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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