dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
