where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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