If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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