he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
