Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
a search helicopter?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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