There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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