She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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