So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
