I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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