Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
