he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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