3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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