I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i've created a new STD.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
